How Hijab Came to my Family

20 years back there was no female in my paternal or maternal family who covered her head with a scarf or dupatta. Not even my grandmother who wore sleeveless blouses in her youth. I can use this fact to elaborate on how ‘liberal’ my family is as well how ‘ignorant’ it was about the particular concept of hijab in Islam.

Interesting how something can be perceived by one man as liberty and the other as ignorance. Anyway, moving on…

How it Started – Back in 1998, my closest cousin, Kiran, moved to UK for her higher studies at the age of 18. When she came back to Pakistan, the family was inquisitive about the head scarf she wore everywhere she went on top of her jeans and tops. Her mom too, after a few months, followed suit. When questioned, they explained the importance of covering up satar in the light of the Quraan and ahadith. This was in 1999, when I was 10. And this is when I, my mom and my grandmother realized how wrong it was not to cover up.

For a few years we didn’t copy them, but we did respect their hijabs. A couple of years later, my mom started going to the market with her head covered. As a pre-teen, I watched and things started seeping in.

The Pushing – Even though I was indifferent to or perhaps even liked the hijab, I never thought  of adopting it. After all I was just 12. Also I was not to be pushed into it. Once, my granny asked me to put a dupatta on my head because we were to meet a religious person. I scrunched up my nose and refused. No one tells me what to do with my clothes. Though later I had to put it on with a sullen face.

But I was never pushed into anything luckily permanently. The only requirement set by my dad was ‘modest’ clothing i.e. wearing loose clothes. So until today most of my time at home got spent wearing loose tops and jeans/pjs/pants. They are way more modest than fitted kameezes with dupattas left behind on the iron stand.

2005 – At the end of grade 10, I came to terms with the practice and decided that I would cover my head in a consistent fashion. The scariest part was speculating my mom’s reaction who did not cover up at family gatherings and weddings. But mashaAllah, when she found out, she encouraged me and stood up for me. Very soon, I saw her covering up at events too, mashaAllah. And since, then the scarf/dupatta/chadar has never left my head even inside my house in the presence of na-mehrams.

2006 – I guess, this is the year when it happened. My grandmother stopped wearing saris, something she wore all her life as a primary dressing, and switched to wearing kameezes to ensure that her belly wasn’t showing.

2010 – My only paternal uncle’s daughter, Hana, started practicing hijab too. Born and brought up in London, she could’ve gone either ways. But I think it was the sort of community in East London and my uncle’s religious nature that contributed to her choice. Alhamdulillah, her two teenaged sisters too are gradually coming to hijab and her mom followed suit too.

This is also the year when I started wearing an abaya – something no cousin or aunt of mine carries, unfortunately.

2012 – Another khala’s two daughters, now 16 and 17, seeing me and my elder cousin, Kiran, have now started doing hijab too at family events.

A summary: I have a total of 12 female cousins, 6 hijabis and 6 non-hijabis. All non hijabis but one live in the West.

Interestingly in all cases, the daughters started taking the hijab first and their mothers followed suit soon.

The criticism – No matter what you do, you can never please everyone. There are relatives who support the hijab, there are the indifferent ones and of course there are the critics too. My mom’s 65 year old aunt, who’s a Ph.D and a professor at Karachi University commented on how my hijab was extreme. And I don’t blame the lady. After six decades of her life, watching girls dress up like fire crackers at weddings, she must have naturally felt put off by my loose pistachio colored abaya. Understandable. Even for relatives who support the headscarf, abaya is something that is taking time to get swallowed.

And the criticism goes equally for the young men in the family who have adopted religious values and sported beards. (Point: my family isn’t sexist :P)

In the end, what does matter is the growing tolerance towards the very concept of women complying with the Islamic hijab. With a little acceptance of the elders, who have already lived out most of their lives, the younger generation has a long way to go in terms of changing the socio-cultural landscape.

Of Cursed Blessings and Blessed Curses

Everything in this world is the test from Allah.

Health and sickness – Friendship and enmity – Wealth and poverty – Wisdom and ignorance – Hope and despair – Prosperity and loss – And so on…

None of these things are blessings or curses on their own. As Muslims, we perceive all these elements in a very different light.  We believe that anything that brings us closer to Allah, that makes us more muttaqi, and eventually more deserving of Jannah is a blessing. And anything that kills the quality of our eemaan and actions and eventually exposes us to the wrath of Allah on the day of Qayamah, is a curse.

So blessings may come our way disguised as curses and curses as blessings.

Coming to a few examples – It is said that poverty is a curse and yet it is possible that poverty may bring a person very close to Allah and actually be a blessing. Another example would be of education. Education makes man civil and yet it also has the power to induce arrogance – one of the worst sins – in hearts.

We must note that there are some things that humans are more likely to make good and bad uses of.

Like the Prophet (SAW) said,

"There are two blessings which many people lose: (They are) Health and free time for doing good."

Hadith # 421, Book 76, Sahih Bukari.

So in spite of health and free time inherently being blessings, they turn into curses because of our lack of their use. They will be liabilities for us on the day of Qayamah.

Similarly, while wealth is perceived as one of the greatest assets for man, the Prophet (SAW) said,

“… I am afraid that worldly wealth will be given to you in abundance as it was given to those (nations) before you, and you will start competing each other for it as the previous nations competed for it, and then it will divert you (from good) as it diverted them."

Hadith # 433, Book 76, Sahih Bukhari

The challenge in this world is to realize that things that might make us feel utterly blessed, may actually be curses because of the way we make use of them – such as wealth, knowledge, power, friendship, etc. Because of how we will be answerable about them in the Final day.

And losses, sorrows, pains and calamities which might be so unwelcome might become a means of salvation simply because how close they brought us back to the True Beloved.

Men of Today and Yesterday - A Summary

If one wishes to speak to one's Lord, one prays to Him and if one wishes to hear one's Lord, Quran speaks out and so vividly it does so that a heart which has even one tiny shred of Emaan softens, and wishes to do nothing else but submit to the All Merciful, All Forgiving.

I happened to re-read Surah Al Fajr and it has become my third favourite Surah after Surah Ikhlaas and Surah Al Asr. It is as succinct and wholesome as a summary can get, a summary of what Man has done on Earth and what Man shall get right at the end - each one, his due share.

Here is the translation of Surah 89: Al Fajr by Abdullah Yusuf Ali. I typed it out from my own copy of Quran, so there is no error.

By the Dawn

By the ten Nights

By the Even and Odd (contrasted)

And by the Night when it passeth away;-

Is there (not) in these an adjuration (or evidence) for those who understand?

Seest thou not how thy Lord dealth with the ‘Ad (people). –

Of the (city of) Iram, with lofty pillars

The like of which were not produced in (all) the land?

And with the Thamud (people) who cut out (huge) rocks in the valley? –

And with Pharoah, lord of Stakes?

(All) these transgressed beyond bounds in the lands.

And heaped therein mischief (on mischief).

Therefore did thy Lord pour on them a scourge of diverse chastisements:

For thy Lord is watchful.

Now, as for man, when his Lord trieth him, giving him honour and gifts, then saith he, (puffed up), “My Lord hath honoured me.”

But when He trieth him, restricting his subsistence from him, then saith he (in despair), “My Lord hath humiliated me!”

Nay, nay! But ye honour not the orphans!

Nor do ye encourage one another to feed the poor! –

And thy Lord cometh, and His angels, rank upon rank,

And Hell, - that Day, is brought (face to face), on that Day will man remember, but how will that remembrance profit him?

He will say: “Ah! Would that I had sent forth (Good Deeds) for (this) my (Future) Life!”

For, that Day His Chastisement will be such as none else can inflict,

And His bonds will be such as none (other) can bind.

(To the righteous soul will be said:) “O (thou) soul, in (complete) rest and satisfaction!

“Come back thou to thy Lord, - well pleased (thyself), and well-pleasing unto Him!

“Enter thou, then, among My Devotees!

“Yea, enter thou My Heaven!”