Monday, January 25, 2010

Accidental Life

When I was a kid, in my science class they told me how my forefathers were apes and the world had seemed to grow dark. I always thought of my past as bleak. Now as life moves on, the present seems even worse.
They tell me everything is a product of an accident. A bang echoed in the universe, the earth sprang up. Then came water and with it popped microbes. Microbes evolved into bigger and more intelligent species. The apes entered the scene. And then there came a time when apes turned into human beings one day. And yes, I am one of the grand-grand-grand-daughters of one of these apes who used to pick lice from her daughter’s hair and eat it up. No wonder I get lice in my hair too sometimes…
The thing that has driven me to pen down my feelings is the evilness of this world. Yes, this world, this accidental life that we have is wicked to its core.
Look at me for example. I am obese and mentally slow. My father left my mother when I was 10. The cherry on top of the cake; my mother now has leukaemia; I’ll practically be an orphan in a couple of years. Imagine my emotional and financial future.
Let’s look at another example. It’s this girl in my class, Hania. People think she is hot and she gets the golden academic trophy every year. She has a perfect little family which goes to Europefor vacations twice every year. The cherry on top of the cake; she is ultra rich and will head her father’s textile company pretty soon so she doesn’t have a care in the world about money.
Click on the picture to enlarge it

So, cruel accidental life happened to both of us and for some reason liked her more than me. In the end we will both die and ants will eat our bodies up. Where’s the justice? What? C’mon don’t tell me justice does happen eventually. What about those serial killers who kill hundreds and get to die only once? That’s not justice. What about the great pharaohs who lived on a ‘heaven-on-earth’ by savagely enslaving their people and using them brutally? What about me and Hania? Will I ever be compensated for what I did not have, something Hania had out of no effort of her own?
I feel so pathetic, so sorry for myself and all those to whom accidental life has been cruel. I think the couple of classmates who told me I seemed suicidal were right. I think I am going to escape this unrewarding existence today, why procrastinate? May be I can help a few others in my part of the world too before I go. Hmm… stabbing can be a mess, I don’t think strangling will be easy for me… Ya, I think a bit of chloroform and a pillow to suffocate are the best ingredients. As for me I think I’ll go for slashing of my wrists; hope the pain will cloud my hatred for this horror world as this accidental life of mine drains out of my body.


  1. Maryam my love. Reality HURTS. It's shit. But we have to be strong. Everyone does. I know life is harder on you than it is for many others but at a time like this THINK of those who are having it worse than you.

    I know that countless times I have personally been bitchy to you in class, but DISCOUNTING THAT FACT, you can ALWAYS come to me and vent out whatever it is going on in your head. DESPITE being the cynical bitch that I am I will be there for you. I promise. And right now I'm gonna go pray for Allah to give you strength. THINGS WILL GET BETTER VERY SOON INSHALLAH.

    Much love. <3

  2. kanwal dearo, this is an atheist's perception of life... i don't believe that my life ends when ants will eat my body up :)

  3. LOLLL. i read your whole comment now... this is not me in the article !!!

  4. What do you mean? The above article is not real?

  5. God maryam, you scared the living day light out of me.

  6. and this is y one should not read twilight! :P :D

  7. i really feel sorry for people who believe in accidental life. no wonder suicides are so common because there is no hope of a second life with them, that islam gives us (shkr hai), and that's the only motivation we have, that we will be rewarded for being patient.
    i love being a Muslim alhmdolillah!

  8. Hey another wonderful post with a very vivid description of emotions ! I love the way you do that !

  9. And by the way I never knew Amna was a blogger too.Its good to see you ..But I cant view your profile Amna !

  10. thankyou najwa!!!

    i don't think amna blogs, do you amna?
    she might just have a google account.

  11. another example of human minds incapability to accept da fact dat nature's random and unjust.

  12. the protagonist pretty much accepts the fact that nature is unjust... but acceptance of a fact doesn't lead to tolerance too.